SGA: Carter's Cat
by millenium-writer
Summary: Samantha Carter is busy as any other genius in the Pegasus galaxy: Inventing, researching, toiling. Failing once again to unlock the secrets of constructing ZPMs, she turns to her cat for comfort when AR1 comes knocking. She'd missed lunch, unforgivable.
1. Chapter 1

Machines whirred and hummed softly in the small room.

"Vectors aligned. All variables accounted for."

Sitting at her desk, Samantha Carter tapped the enter key on the terminal. "Here goes nothing." The test program booted up, several soft clicks issued from the four inch square steel box sitting on one corner of the desk.

For several seconds, nothing happened.

Carter stared at the box, willing _something_ to happen.

The box clicked once more, then burst into flames.

Carter stared at the burning little box, watching her hopes go up in smoke. "Darn." Picking up the small fire extinguisher sitting between her feet, she swiveled her chair, blasting the flames out with a concentrated puff of CO2. "Fifth one today."

"Mrowl."

"I'm fine." Sighing, Carter reached down to stroke the orange and white striped tabby that brushed against her ankles. "I guess I won't be cracking the secrets of making ZPMs today." Setting down the bright red steel bottle, she clicked her desktop terminal off. "I really thought I'd got it that time."

"Murrr." The tabby leaned into the petting, turning its head to look at the door.

Which hissed open. "Hello? Sam? Oh, you are here." Blinking, Rodney stared blankly at Carter for a few moments. "So, um... Lunch."

"McKay, it's well past lunchtime."

"I know. You _missed_ it."

"I didn't miss it, lunch happens at the same time every day." Carter continued to stroke the tabby, trying to ignore Rodney. It wasn't working too well; McKay was kind of hard to ignore.

"_You_ might not have missed it, but the rest of the team did." He let that hang for a moment, before going on. "Remember?" He made a little twiddling gesture in the air with one finger. "Lunch? Today? All of us? Together?"

Groaning, Carter hung her head. She _had_ promised to get out of the lab today. She'd kept that part of the promise, however, she'd spent the day cooped up in her quarters instead. "I forgot."

"Yeah, I had a feeling you might." Looking rather pleased with himself, McKay inclined his head a little. "Sheppard owes me a drink, I believe."

"You _bet against_ me?" If it wasn't for the fact that it was _Rodney_ she was talking about, Carter might have been surprised. Instead, she was just a little miffed.

The tabby yowled, peering out from between Carter's ankles to glare at the scientist.

"Woah, hey. Sam. Cat?" Pointing at the animal in question, McKay backed away slowly. "You know that cat hates me."

"McKay, please. He doesn't hate anyone." Carter rubbed her knuckles against the tabby's cheek affectionately.

"Oh, I beg to differ. That's why I came up with this." Tapping his headset, McKay continued to back towards the door. "Go plan 'A'... _Now_, please."

A second later, the door hissed open, and Teyla stepped inside. "Rodney, I do not think-"

"Ah ah ah. That's the beauty of plan 'A', you don't have to think." McKay gestured towards the rest of the room. "Just go. Go. Go go go go." Gesturing a little more franticly, he began lightly nudging Teyla forwards.

Sighing, Teyla obeyed. "Please forgive the intrusion Colonel." Walking a few measured paces forward, she knelt down and held out her hand. "Come here little one."

Staring at the woman for a moment, the cat crawled out from between Carter's ankles on his belly, scooting over so the new arrival could dote upon him.

"It's alright Teyla, I don't mind." Carter shot McKay a look. "Much. I don't think Jake minds either."

"Jake?" McKay _almost_ scoffed. "You named him _that?_ I thought for sure you'd have named him-" He broke off when he saw Carter's expression. "Wuh, well, it doesn't matter what I thought. What matters is that you broke your promise."

"I know, I know." Hanging her head, Carter mentally kicked herself for getting so caught up in her work. "But I-"

"A break from your work can only serve to benefit you in the long run." Teyla smiled, stroking the tabby's ears. "A chance to refresh your mind, and nourish your body, will in turn allow you to focus more fully on your tasks."

Carter mentally kicked herself again, this time for not cutting Teyla off. The woman really had a way with words that made it hard to argue with her. "It's not that I'm putting it off because I _want to_, but-"

The cat let out a low yowl. In the middle of a luxurious stretch, the feline had tilted his head back far enough that McKay's boots had come into view. Turning over onto his paws, the cat began inching towards the scientist.

Inching back a little quicker than the cat was moving, McKay tapped his headset again. "This is McKay; Go plan 'B'... Hello? Plan 'B' please?" Staring wide-eyed at the cat, McKay suddenly sighed, hanging his head. "Ok, _fine. _Go plan 'Batman'."

The door hissed open, and Colonel Sheppard stepped around McKay, kneeling down to stroke the cat's cheeks with both hands. "I win." Looking pleased with himself, Sheppard glanced up at the two women staring at him. "I bet him _two _drinks that I could get him to call it plan 'Batman'."

"Only because you were waiting until I said it." Flustered, McKay moved a little, until Sheppard was directly between him and the cat.

"Well it worked, didn't it?" Looking pleased with himself, Sheppard focused on stroking the cat, keeping its attention on him. "Didn't it, hmm? Maybe I should've let you hiss at him a little more before I swooped in to the rescue?"

"Look, guys. I appreciate all the effort you're putting into this, but I-"

"It's no trouble." Not looking up from the cat, Sheppard did what he did naturally; Used his sometimes-overly-casual nature to bring a discussion to a conclusion before the other party had a chance to disagree. "You'd do the same for any one of us, right?" He made it look so easy too.

"Yes, I would, but-"

"So, it's settled then." McKay clapped his hands together, smiling in that smug, self-satisfied way of his. "We're all going out on a picnic tomorrow." A low yowl turned his smug look into one of mild horror. "Oh no." He jabbed at his headset button for a third time. "Go plan 'C'."

"A picnic?" Carter blinked, not sure if her hearing was working properly. "I don't understand."

"What? No, I'm not going to change the name. Go plan 'C' already."

Smiling, Teyla stood up, brushing her knees off out of habit. "Mr. Woolsey insisted that everyone in Atlantis each take some time to themselves to relax, off planet somewhere." Her smile faded a little. "We were, of course, asked to sign up four days in advance."

"That sounds like Woolsey alright." Carter shook her head, still confused. "But why didn't I hear anything about this enforced vacation time?"

"I don't care what Sheppard told you, it's my plan. Go plan 'C'."

"Well, you have been locked up in your lab for about a week or so." Climbing to his feet, Sheppard smiled cheekily at Carter. "I can see how the pony express might have missed you."

Carter blinked. "Pony express?"

Teyla smiled again. "Doctor Zelenka drove a MALP through the hallways, with the notice and sign-up sheet taped to its side. Many were quite amused at the joke." Teyla's smile faltered. "Though Doctor Keller had to treat one person for a sprained ankle, I was told."

"Sprained ankle?" Carter glanced at Sheppard, who shrugged.

"Alright, alright! Go plan 'Ronan'!"

The door hissed open once again, Ronan stepped into the room, leaned down, and picked the yowling cat up by the scruff. "Got it."

Carter, Teyla, McKay, and Sheppard all stared. Even the cat looked surprised at the sudden turn of events.

Ronan stared back at everyone, shrugging. "What?"

"The plan is sound, I can personally guarantee that it will work." Durcan stood rigid, fists clenched at his sides. He had been arguing for an hour against three naysayers, and his feet were killing him. It would all be worth it; he had steadily picked apart the three's arguments, point by point. The tide was turning to his side, it wouldn't be long at all.

"And I still say it is a stupid risk." Benton, the first of the disagreeables, shook his head. "Not only does it have several unknown factors, you risk waking what could very well be a sleeping giant. The Wraith are giant enough, and hardly sleeping." A formerly tall man, he was stooped from the time he spent bent over plans and research, reducing his once imposing stature. Time had turned his stark black hair to a brittle, muted brownish-gray, making him look weak, and fearful.

"As I've said, the fact that they have yet to bring any serious firepower to bear is _proof_ of a lack of this 'sleeping giant' you are so afraid of." Durcan knew that absence of evidence wasn't evidence of absence, he'd used that very argument to drive the second disagreeable, Mirelle, from the room in a fury not ten minutes ago. "In two years, _nothing _had been brought forward, _nothing at all._" It was still a viable tactic, at times.

"Giant or no, they still possess considerable military power." The third, and final, and probably easiest to deal with of the disagreeables, Reich. Blonde, middling of height and build. His watery grey eyes matched his resolve. Fearful, like Benton. Old, and said to be wise beyond measure. "Every encounter we have had stands to prove that we should not tempt fates." A pity the measure of the man fell far short of the myth.

"And the only real thing to fear is one squad." True, the group was legendary, known far and wide for its deeds, but it was only one squad. Four men were nothing to fear, against a well-supplied army. "I am confident that we can make the entire organization fold with this one, elegant gambit."

"And if it should fail?" Finally, the one man that needed, nay, _must_ be convinced, spoke. "Have you considered what will happen to our people if your scheme should-" He broke off, chuckling and shaking his head. "You haven't even _entertained _the possibility that it will fail, have you?"

Durcan tried to straighten up, unaware that he'd been standing ramrod straight for the better part of an hour now. Everything was focused on making his point, with every fiber of his being, he drove on relentlessly. "There is no chance of failure. None whatsoever. I have planned for every single possibility, happenstance, and even the chance that the very sky will throw itself down upon our heads."

While the disagreeables either sputtered, or tried to form a counter-argument to that statement, the man that needed convincing shook his head again. No matter what the situation, Ladon Radim, current Chief of the Genii, was utterly unflappable. In truth, he'd only half-heartedly agreed to the debate because he believed it would amuse him. "As clever at you are Durcan, you are sometimes blind as an old man." He occasionally allowed clever or resourceful men under his command to test themselves against the Atlanteans, as a trial of fire of sorts. He mainly did this to weed out the stupid and over-ambitious, or to teach those that actually had potential a simple fact; Do not try the patience of those that would crush you, lest you anger them.

The people of Atlantis were one of those that could crush many a people, if they chose to do so. Ladon was very glad that they were a mainly fair and kind people. He didn't see himself as soft, oh not at all. He did, however, owe them for not only his current standing as leader of all Genii, but also for curing his sister of her illness. An illness that Genii medicine was unable to cure. He was also keenly aware that the Genii would not be able to withstand the brunt of an assault that a star-faring people could bring to bear.

Durcan was frozen, shocked. He hadn't expected Ladon to be so utterly against him, after spending the entire debate chortling at the political flailing of his opponents. After a year, a _year_ of meticulous planning. Down to days, down to hours, down to the very _minute_ that his assault would begin and end... He never would have guessed that it would end this way, before it had even begun.

"No, Durcan, you hear, but you do not listen." Ladon shook his head. "I have watched you, and listened to your words, but you have only seen what you wanted to. True, your plan is sound." Leaning back in his seat, Ladon tugged at his collar, irritated at a wrinkle in his lapel He was sure his sister had pressed the jacket for him that morning. Was it really nearly midday already? "It might even work... For a time. But I have seen first-hand what force these people can bring at a man. In the end, you would just bring against our people a force worse than the Wraith." He tugged at his collar again, trying to straighten out the wrinkle. "Remember, Kolya once thought the Atlanteans could be toppled too. We all know what happened to him."

Durcan sputtered now, once again, he'd heard the impossible, and simply couldn't comprehend it. "Worse than the Wraith? This one people, smaller than the Genii?" That was impossible, just _impossible_. The numbers simply couldn't add up to such a thing. He knew, he'd gone over them himself for weeks on end. The Wraith was the one, true, and only danger of its kind in the galaxy. Nothing else came close.

"_Much_ worse than the Wraith, Durcan." Ladon slouched in his seat, less amused now. "While the Wraith would use us for food, the Atlanteans would _decimate _us. They would not stop until we could _never_ fight back against them, ever again." Ladon knew this to be true. The Genii would never give in to an enemy, and the Atlanteans would only stop under two conditions; Surrender, which was impossible, or death, which was uncomfortably possible. "So, my answer is no. You may not have the men and resources you ask for."

Durcan began to tremble, either from shock, or more likely, from sheer fury. Blood trickled from his palms, seeping out from the cuts in his palms, flowing around the fingernails that had pierced his skin. Scarlet soaked into the dark gray uniform sleeves, staining them a rusty brown. He'd freshly pressed the uniform himself, pleased how the cut of it followed his muscles, adding to his look of calm confidence. He didn't wear the cap, even when not in the presence of higher-ups like Ladon, as it covered his coal-black hair, making his steel-grey eyes seem less piercing and imposing. None of that mattered to him now, his world had shattered around him, raining down on his head like fire and doom. This, was the end of his career in the Genii, he knew.

"And, and, dear Durcan... If you should try to go ahead with your plan despite my misgivings..." Ladon smiled. "The Genii will disavow any ties to you, and the men under your command... Unless you accomplish something." That was the trick. If Durcan was wise, he would quit while he was ahead, and would be a useful man in the future. If he was cunning, Durcan would try on his own and succeed, or at the least, fail with little loss of life, and learn something from it. If he was stupid, however...

His time remaining in the galaxy would be brief, and terrible.

Hearing that, Durcan spun on his heel, purposefully striding from Ladon's office. He'd heard what Ladon _hadn't_ said aloud; Fail, and you are done. Succeed, and _everything_ is yours. Plans began to unfold in his mind, quickly comparing themselves to his former line of strategy. Durcan was a brilliant tactician, able to do much more than any other Genii soldier, with half as much to work with. Given enough time, and manpower, he could work miracles.

It was a pity that he'd imagined the last half of Ladon's unspoken words.

Well, there it is. My second Stargate Atlantis fanfic. This one probably takes place a year or so after the last one, if my numbers are right. Maybe two.

Chuckle.

For those of you that are wondering, the last one was titled "Before Myself, Beside Myself" and mostly had McKay and Sheppard saving the day. Well, mostly McKay and a bit of help from Zalenka and Carson two. But Sheppard flew, and stuff... Yeah.

Or, is that 'Clone Carson'? Meh, either way.

Well, anyway. Questions, comments, and suggestions are all always welcome.

Until next time.


	2. Chapter 2

"Now this, this is what I'm talking about." Reclining on his back, John Sheppard laced his hands behind his head, feeling utterly relaxed. Legs crossed at the ankles, he'd propped his bare heels up on a rock, feeling the tickle of a soft breeze through his toes. "Boots off is the way to go on days like these."

"I'm glad you agree John." Smiling, Teyla carefully bit into a slice of bread, smeared with nut butter from a nearby world. Below, her son Torren reached up, making grabby-hands at the shapes above him, cooing quietly.

"You know, I can taffhmfrrgrr."

"Rodney, please, don't speak with your mouth full."

"Forry..." Swallowing, Rodney set down his third pudding cup, after hastily emptying it, holding out his arms. "I can take him for you, while you eat. I mean, if you want. I mean, I don't have to take him, if you don't want me to, but I-"

Smiling, Teyla nipped at her bread, holding it between her teeth, wordlessly handing her son over to the babbling scientist. Hands thus freed, she took the bread from her mouth, and resumed eating.

Flustered for a moment, McKay looked down at the baby in his arms, surprised. "I, uh." He looked at Teyla, then back at the infant. "Um, hi? Hey little guy, remember me?"

Torren let out a displeased wail.

"Ah! Um, oh. I, uh... Help?" McKay looked back at Teyla again, pleadingly.

"Walk around with him Rodney." Attention on her food, Teyla didn't even look up. _Lack of concern is a show of faith. I trust Rodney with my son... As long as he is calm. Which he will be, if he believes I trust him... Which I do._ Reassuring himself, she smiled a little. "And remain calm, it will help him relax. He feels your tension."

"Right, calm. I'm calm." Standing up carefully, with a helpful tug at the elbow from an appearing-from-nowhere-Ronan, McKay gently jiggled the infant in his arms. "Thanks. Hey there little guy, wanna go for a walk with your uncle Rodney?"

"And me." Ronan peered over McKay's shoulder, blotting out the sun shining on the scientist and infant.

"I can handle a baby on my own, you know. You don't have to worry so much."

"Who's worried? I want to see the kid." Trying his best not to loom, Ronan leaned down, smiling at Torren. "Hi."

"Well, alright then. Come on, we're going for a walk." Cradling the tiny boy against his chest, McKay slowly made his way along the path running between the trees surrounding the glade AR1 had settled in.

Torren had instantly quieted as the pair began moving.

"Are we allowed to do that?" Ronan shot a glance back at Teyla, seeking permission.

McKay sounded insulted. "_Of course we are_. Who's idea do you think it was?" The pair's voices faded out as they ambled off, bantering back and forth.

"You're pretty brave, you know." Grinning, Sheppard shut his eyes, turning his face towards the warm sun. "Letting those two go off like that with your son." He paused for a moment, before giving the screws another twist. "I wouldn't've done that."

"You, John, should perhaps know better." Ignoring the teasing, Teyla carefully plucked a pudding cup from the depths of the 'picnic' basket, as the Atlanteans had called it. "Rodney and Ronan would fight to the death to protect my son, as they would for any of us." The Athosian woman practically beamed with pride, not only at her teammates' valor, but also at the fact that she knew her son was in the best of hands in the galaxy.

"Yeah, you're right." Sheppard grinned wider. "But who knows what sorts of bad habits they could be teaching him right now?"

Teyla beamed a little less brightly at the mention of that little nagging fact. "... Perhaps I should follow them, just to be sure." Quickly rising, she padded off, bare feet a mere whisper on the soft grass.

Chuckling, Sheppard turned his head away from the sun, opening his eyes. "Well, I've had my fun. What about you Carter?" There was silence. "Carter?" More silence. Concerned, John lifted himself up on one elbow. "Car- oh for-" Reaching over, he snatched the notebook from the Colonel's hands. "Give me that."

Carter let out a dismayed squawk. "Hey! I was-"

"You were wasting your vacation again, is what you were doing." Frowning, Sheppard wagged the notebook at the Colonel. "See, this is exactly what we came here to avoid, for once."

Carter hung her head, feeling guilty. "I know, I know... I just-"

"Got another brilliant idea?" Shaking his head, Sheppard stuffed the book inside his open vest. Even on a vacation, he still wore kevlar offworld, just in case. "Well I'm sure it'll come back to you later."

"But-" Realising that there would be no negotiation with him, Carter sighed in exasperation, resisting the urge to throw her hands into the air. "What am I supposed to do then?"

"... Have a pudding cup." John shut his eyes once more, reclining with a quiet, self-assuredness that only a man who knew he had all the answers could.

Grumping to herself, Carter leaned over to dig in the picnic basket, resigning herself to her fate. _I wish something interesting would happen. I don't think I've ever been this bored in my life._

Somewhere, off in the distance, dark clouds gathered.

A storm was coming.

"Now this is exactly what I was looking for." Turning a fine-haired brush over in his hand, Major Lorne gently ran his thumb across the bristles. "I can't believe you found one this nice so fast."

"What can I say? I've got a gift." Shrugging his shoulders, Lieutenant Lensman stared at the skewer he was holding. "What kind of berries did they say these were?"

"Fortuna nut-berries." Lorne held a similar, half-eaten skewer in his other hand. "That's why they can roast them." He was more interested in the brush by this point.

"And they're safe to e-"

"Doctor Beckett cleared them as safe the first time we came to this world." Holding the skewer in his teeth, Lorne carefully slid the brush into a pocket of his vest.

"Ah. Well, I'm sure if I get sick, I'll have plenty of advance warning." Nipping at the odd treat, he made a face. "Really bitter, aren't they?"

"They're an acquired taste, really." Lorne seemed to have no problem with them at all. "We tend to trade with these people often, so you'll get used to them soon enough."

"... I dunno about that." Making a bit of a face, Lensman was reluctant to finish chewing the single bite he'd taken.

Looking around, Lorne nudged the Lieutenant with his elbow, murmuring under his breath. "They're supposed to bring good luck, and it's kind of an insult to the locals if you don't eat the whole thing."

"Great..." Sighing, Lensman slowly finished chewing, swallowed, then sighed again. "Just great." Sliding an entire nut-berry off of the skewer with his teeth, he started chewing slowly again. It was like a cross between a cranberry and a filbert, without any sweet undertones at all. "... It's like black coffee."

"The first one always tastes pretty bad." Lorne seemed to have no problems chewing his way through the entire skewer of roasted nut-berries. He was more at ease now, since the villagers around them had stopped staring, too. "So does the second, third, and fourth. It starts to get better though, around the dozenth or so."

Swallowing, Lensman turned a bland stare on Major Lorne. "Now I know why you invited me to come along."

"Oh?"

"Revenge."

Trying not to smile, Lorne looked away. "Minor Lorne was pretty bad." He pointed to a stall. "Let's go get some Faica-meat. It's triple-cooked and smothered in spices. Fifteen of them local, the last eight come from six different worlds, mainly desert locales."

"Remind me to never cross you again. _Ever_."

"Do I make myself clear? Never cross me again." Wiping a bead of sweat from his nose, Durcan snapped his fingers, motioning for his aide to hand back his uniform jacket. "I am risking everything on this venture, and I will not tolerate anything less than perfection."

The man, who did not matter in the Genii's grand scheme, nodded, scrambling to his feet. The intensity of Durcan's voice had toppled him over, rather than any physical blow. For that reason alone, it made the experience that much more frightening. Any man could strike another, Durcan made you feel like an infinite hell awaited, should he deem it necessary.

Shrugging into his jacket, Durcan tugged at his collar, hissing quietly as a corner of his lapel brushed against the barely-healed punctures on his palm. "It's too warm in here. Stand up an open the shutters." Ignoring the man he'd driven to the floor with words alone, he turned back to the high table beside him. The man was already forgotten; He'd made his stance on useless failures clear now, no other men under his command would forget it. "Here." He tapped a finger on the childishly scrawled image of a village.

"That is Immetti-costa, known for its potent spices." His aide, as usual, was perfection itself. As he should be, since Durcan had personally seen to his retraining. "A small village, less than a hundred people."

Off to the side, the shutters clanged open one by one, letting a crisp breeze blow through the small home.

"That is where we shall begin the operation proper." Durcan stared at the other sheafs of paper before him. Pictures of men and women, in similar, loose garb. _Weapons can easily be hidden in those robes, good._ "Wipe them out, but do no damage to the village." Tapping a scroll of paper, he frowned. "Leave some alive to question- no. Come as if in peace, question them, _then_ wipe them out."

The aide straightened the seams on Durcan's jacket. "And what shall they be questioned on?"

"Any soon-coming local festivals or religious rites we can use." Staring intently at the scroll, he ran a fingertip down the time-line for his invasion plans. Grabbing a second scroll, Durcan unfurled it, placing the time-line for supply-gathering alongside it. "Match the dates as precisely as you can, Arric. I want this to work."

The aide, Arric, bowed his head. "Of course. I have no doubt that we will be able to co-ordinate to within a tenday at most."

"Well within the margin of error then." Durcan allowed himself to smile, for once. "Go now, see that it is done."

Realising belatedly that Durcan was talking to him, the man who'd been driven to the floor with sheer fury alone, who'd opened the shutters, who was the only other man in the building, scrambled out to convey the orders. He'd seen the horrifyingly cold smile on Durcan's lips. All he wanted was to get away from the look on that man's face.

"Everything is going perfectly, as I have planned for." The cold smile went away as if it had been switched off. As if Durcan's lips could not bear to remain twisted like that for any longer than necessary. "It is perfect. This move is my checkmate."

"Checkmate!" Zelenka moved the bishop into place with a triumphant grin. "I believe you owe me a dozen pine-scented candles." Ignoring the depressed sigh of his opponent, Zelenka began gathering up the chess pieces. The only reason he was so happy about this minor victory was the prize, of course. The candles reminded him of his childhood, when his brother would always leave so many candles lit around the house. "Today is a day where nothing can go wrong."

"Unscheduled offworld activation!" A tech stared at the laptop before him as a string of numbers poured across the screen. "Receiving Colonel Sheppard's IDC!"

AR1 poured through the gate swiftly, dripping wet, arms loaded with picnic supplies.

"_Today is a day where nothing can go wrong_." Clutching the picnic basket in one arm, Sheppard mopped at his face with the other hand.

"I'm sorry, ok? The report said nothing about freak thunderstorms!" Equally wet, and arms filled with infant, McKay shook his head, trying to rid his eyes of the water that dripped down from his hair, over his face, and onto the baby.

"Please calm down, you two." Teyla was carrying several pairs of boots; The storm had struck so quickly that nobody had time reshoe themselves. "It is no one's fault."

"Could be worse." Ronan peeked over the FRED they'd taken with them. He'd simply shoved it through the gate, since the three Atlanteans who could operate it had had their hands full.

"How could it be worse?" Sheppard looked irritated, mainly because the last fifty feet of their hurried dash had been over worn gravel. No cuts, but it hadn't felt very nice either.

"Could've been an attack." Ronan stepped away from the FRED as an Atlantean tech took the control box and steered it back to the recharge station.

McKay shot the former Runner a look. "Don't even joke about that, I'm holding a baby. I'm not in a position to properly panic."

"Unscheduled offworld activation!"

"Gyaaah!" McKay spun around, staring at the swiftly-forming event horizon... Securely behind the Stargate's shield.

"Receiving Major Lorne's IDC!" The shield dropped as Lorne's team shuffled through the gate.

"Major Lorne." Shifting the picnic basket to his other arm, Sheppard casually saluted the Major. "Did it rain on you too?"

"Colonel." Returning the salute, Lorne stared for a moment as Teyla took a wailing Torren from Dr. McKay's arms, shooting him a dirty look. "No, Lieutenant Lensman needed-"

"One side! One side! I've only got a couple of minutes!" Lensman squeezed his way through the small throng of people, running out of the gate room. "Hold the lift!"

Watching the Lieutenant run off, Sheppard turned to look at Lorne again. "Major, what did you do to the Lieutenant?"

"He'll make it to the bathroom in plenty of time, if he ran, he said." Smiling, Lorne began unclipping his P90 and vest, moving off towards the gear lockers.

Shaking his head, Sheppard pulled a mostly-dry notebook from his vest. "Carter, I believe this belo- Carter?" Looking around, he blinked. "Where'd she go?"

The door swished open. "I'm home."

"Mrowl."

"I know I'm early. It rained." Trudging into her room, Carter kicked off her half-laced boots, tossing her wet jacket onto the floor.

"Mroooww."

"I'm fine, I just don't take breaks well in the Pegasus galaxy." Sighing, she puttered around her quarters for a few minutes, getting changed into something dry and casual. Plunking down on her chair in front of her terminal, she stared at the darkened screen.

"Mrow?" Hopping up onto his owner's lap, the cat nudged his cheek against her a few times.

"I'm fine Jake, just a little tired." Tapping the power key on the terminal, Carter sighed again. "Well, let's see how you're doing." Tapping a few more keys, she booted up a diagnostic program.

"Mrow." Hopping up onto the desk, Jake sat beside the screen, tail twitching from side to side.

"Plug in, would you?" Tapping a few more keys, Carter slid the blackened remains of a steel cube to the other side of her desk.

Flicking back and forth a few more times, the tip of the cat's tail slipped itself into a small hole on one side of the terminal. Data washed over the display for several seconds, before a childishly-scrawled image of an orange and white-striped tabby appeared. The words 'Kitty is hungry' accompanied several wavy lines around the belly of the doodled cat.

"Jake." Carter frowned the instant she'd returned her attention to the terminal screen. "You messed with the diagnostic program again while I was gone, didn't you?"

"Mrow?"

"Don't give me that innocent look." Shaking her head, Carter hit a few keys. "Nanite charge level is at forty percent. You didn't go into sleep mode while I was gone, so I know it was you."

"Rowl."

"Great, I can't even get my cat to behave." Sighing yet again, Carter slumped back in her chair. Her eyes drifted up to the picture of her father, Jacob Carter, sitting on a small shelf above her terminal. He was smiling down at her. "Hey, dad, rough day again today."

Glancing at the picture for a moment, the cat settled down onto his belly, paws tucked neatly beneath his body. One eartip flicked a few times, as the cat shut his eyes. Data and code lines streamed across its reduced field of vision, sonar input still providing an image of the room and its contents.

**Recharge in progress, downloading mission reports.**

The eartip flicked again.

**Downloading astrological data; Minor solar flare activity within twenty hours. Negligible effect on operating efficiency.**

Again, the eartip flicked.

**Tapping into base communications. Tracking Dr. McKay, Rodney.**

"Mrrr."

**Dr. McKay, Rodney is currently transmitting to Dr. Keller, Jennifer from his quarters.**

"Mrrr." The other eartip flicked.

**Interrupting active communication channel. Rerouting transmission to Dr. Beckett, Carson.**

Purring softly, Jake shifted his position, crossing his paws and resting his chin upon them.

**Clearing system cache of fourteen seconds of operation data. Routing copy of operation data to hidden memory cluster 'Catnip-Alpha'. Creating false data mask to fill in memory gap.**

Sighing, Jake opened one eye to scan Carter's face. She'd fallen asleep, still leaning back in her chair. "Mrrr."

**Tapping into ZPM recreation data. Downloading latest results. Compiling all accessible data. Compiling. Compiling. Finished compiling. No known method of reproduction readily available.**

"Mrrr."

**Running program 'Carter-Creation' in hidden memory cluster 'Catnip-Beta'. Importing ZPM data. Estimated time for effective results; Seven thousand hours.**

"Mrrr."Irritated, Jake closed his eye again. He sat there for several minutes, processing the last two lines of text. Letting out a sigh, he resigned himself to an unpleasant task.

**Running program 'McKay-Creation' in hidden memory cluster 'Litterbox-Alpha'. Slaving memory cluster to run in parallel with 'Carter-Creation' program. Estimated time for effective results; Five thousand hours.**

It wasn't a massive leap in production time, but it was something. Two hundred days instead of two hundred ninety was still forever and a half. Turning to rest one cheek on his crossed paws, Jake longed for two things: A crumpled-up paper ball dangling from a string, and a third program to run in parallel with the first two. It would be very hard to hack into Zelenka's records, unlike McKay's. After all, McKay was a known factor, and mildly predictable.

**Running password-breaker program 'Ronan-Runner' in ERROR.**

Jake would have blinked, if his eyes were open.

**No remaining hidden memory clusters remaining.**

His tail would have lashed, had it not been securely plugged into the diagnostic/recharge port.

**Suspend currently running processes related to ZPM data. Allocate memory to creation of new hidden memory cluster, labeled 'Mouse-Alpha'. Estimated time for reconfiguration of internal structure; Five hours.**

Sighing, Jake assumed a sleeping posture.

**Initiate reconfiguration. Resume ZPM related activities upon construction of new memory cluster. Begin running program 'Ronan-Runner' in cluster 'Mouse-Alpha' upon commencement of ZPM related activities. Wake owner one hour after program 'Ronan-Runner' activates.**

**Activate sleep-mode for higher consciousness related programs. Time; Six hours.**

Chapter end!

Well, this chapter took forever to get around to, but ironically only took two days to write. I blame it on my allergies, it's really hard to think clearly with them sometimes. Also, this year seemed really bad for them.

Anyway, chapter two is finished. As you can clearly see. Ok, that wasn't the most clever thing I've ever said. Uh, what to say?

Unlike the last chapter, I think this one goes a bit less in setting up the plot. On the other hand; AR1 on vacation, awesome, right? Also, Repli-cat shows some signs of character, and if you haven't already guessed, is named after Carter's father, Jacob Carter, who'd died back in season eight or so of SG1.

Clearly, he likes screwing with McKay. I wonder why?

As an amusing tidbit, I'll mention that Jake's drawing program is called 'Torren-Doodle'. Clearly, he plans on entertaining the baby, but I doubt that Teyla will let him babysit if his secret gets out.

And now, for the traditional Review Replies!

tinkerswraith - As you can see, aside from it not being a one-shot, my plans seem to have given you all that you asked for. You have no idea how pleasantly surprised I was to see your review. I'm glad you liked the first chapter, and I hope you liked the second one just as much.

Well, that's all for this time. Next chapter should hopefully be coming faster than this one. Questions and comments are always welcome, as always.

Until next time.


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